View Full Version : Death Wins

01-25-2012, 04:32 AM


October 13th was an overcast day in New England. It was fall break, and I was home from college. I went for a long run in the afternoon, reliving high school memories. I want to say it drizzled, but it was so many years ago I cannot be certain. Sarah, who went to Boston to visit her boyfriend over the break, decided to enjoy the day by kayaking off the southern coast of Cape Cod. I got back from my run and wasted the rest of the day on the computer. Sarah never logged on AIM, the preferred communication medium at the time. On Monday I headed back to school with one of my suite mates who lived a town over, his semi-girlfriend, and a friend of his that attended a school an hour past ours. Fitting everyoneís junk in the car required our combined Tertris knowledge, which only our generation possess. Earlier in the day I had received an email from my cross country coach stating there was a team meeting at 6 PM. Since we had to drop off the additional passenger, we missed the meeting. After unloading him my roommate received a cell phone call, which was for me, since I didnít own a cell phone. The call was from BB, one of Sarahís house mates. ďSarah is missing.Ē

I remember: A brief explanation to the two passengers in the car, which was greeted with assurances that she would be fine. Staring out the window as Pennsylvania farm land rolled by in the dark. Arriving at school. Taking my laundry bag up to my room. The door was open and there were a few stoic teammates in our common area. I muttered that BB had called, dropped off my bag and didnít exchange another word. I went to Sarahís house. I entered through the kitchen door and met BB, there was a long hug, followed by a conversation at the kitchen table. The outlook was bad. Theyíd been missing, Sarah went out with a friend while the two boyfriends waited on shore, for over 24 hours. The ocean was cold, they went out in bathing suites and without life jackets. Calling my mother, and trying to get her to find the news article online because I was incapable of telling her what happened. I spent the rest of the night at her house with a bunch of catatonic people, who were all hoping to hear good news that never came. I eventually retired to my room and wept into a pillow before passing out from exhaustion.

My perfect, sheltered world broke, and I didnít know until the next day, and I didnít realize how badly for years.

At the end of the following summer I got my death wings. Iím an athiest, or a humanist, or raised Episcopal, it depends on who is asking. Sarah was raised Jewish, but what she believed is not something I remember. I donít think there is anything after we shuffle off this mortal coil, but I know that if anything exists Sarah has found the best place. That is why I had wings tattooed on my ankles all those years ago: to find Sarah.

Iíve spent a lot of time running away from the world, a large portion of that time was spent engrossed in the world of Azeroth battling internet pixels. The running part wasnít healthy. By not confronting my issues I allowed them to remain, while I let myself be consumed in activities that kept my mind from wandering, allowing me to continue to ignore them. My life outside the internet became defined by this tragedy, but my life on the internet flourished. The internet is also a place that can never hurt me. So Iíve stayed.

Everyone has their own reason for raiding in WoW. Mine, other than escaping from Earth, is: in a world with billions of people being the best at something, or in the top .1%, or .5%, or 1%, is alluring, regardless of what youíre good at. If I was the best whittler in the world, there are probably very few people that would care, and it would be difficult to prove, but Iíd be damn proud. Luckily, it is easy to judge how good your WoW guild is, and I am proud of what we have accomplished. I may enjoy playing other games more than WoW, but the rush of succeeding with my band of raiders is unmatched. Itís why I continue to come back for more.

Why did I post any of this instead of keeping it in the journal I hide between my mattress and the frame? A fair and valid question. I guess I confused news posts with sharing time.

I think the Deathwing encounter was the best one of the tier. If every boss took fifty attempts Iíd be happy. Itís a good number. It was easy to see the raids progression through the encounter and stay positive as we moved further along on each platform. If the final phase was harder well I guess the fight would have taken longer to learn, and resulted in a greater sense of accomplishment when we killed it. But, overall Iím just glad the tier is over, and all of our raiders that gritted through this tier can retire with us almost reaching my projected goal, if only Iíd said the front page of wowprogress (US), instead of (25).

01-25-2012, 08:33 AM
Congrats guys, and great post Deace. +respect

01-25-2012, 09:20 AM
Deep, grats guys.

01-25-2012, 12:30 PM
hi zerix =0

01-26-2012, 08:32 PM
Great post.